August is not a good month for columnists.
I was sitting in the concert hall in Jerusalem, on the last day of that terrible month, when temperatures hit record highs, thinking about what I should be writing about in my next column.
One option was the new school year. I had read in the program that high-school pupils from Jerusalem had arranged the music for a cycle of songs we were about to hear later. How about a column on the real Israel, the country you didn't know, where teenagers invest their energy in orchestrating classical music?
But then I thought about the pupils of Sderot, our southern city, which had been constantly shelled by rockets from Gaza. As a matter of fact, the Islamic Jihad had promised to specifically target schools and kindergartens on the first day of school. That was so outrageous that I couldn't but hope that our air force would just wipe out the areas from where the so-and-sos had been launching their rockets. No, I had to calm down. This is not the way to write a column.
As I looked around, I noticed Chief Justice Dorit Beinish sitting just few seats away. Immersed in the beautiful music, she seemed quite relaxed. That looked pretty odd, considering that in recent months she had been fighting fiercely with Minister of Justice Daniel Friedman over the powers of the Supreme Court.
Friedman, who is a law professor, argues that the Supreme Court in Israel is a closed cast that doesn't truly represent the Israeli society and, furthermore, has grabbed too much power. This might work for a column in regular times, but not when temperatures and humidity are high, and the brain is a bit slow.
Maybe I should spice it up with a little gossip: It has been rumored that Friedman is now taking revenge on Chief Justice Beinish because she had rejected the candidacy of another woman, his close friend, Prof. Nili Cohen. No, no way; the readers won't appreciate that, not even in August.
During the break, I heard someone complaining about not being able to find a room in any of the Jerusalem hotels. Bingo! With the economy steadily rising by 6 percent every year, Israel has become No. 16 in the world in GDP per capita. In other words, the average Israeli is producing the worth of $27,000 annually. That should work for a column. But then, I'll also have to explain how come that, at the same time, there are in Israel today more poor people than ever. Somehow, with IQ receding because of the heat, I find it difficult to say it concisely in 700 coherent words.
Maybe I should be looking somewhere else. I remembered reading in the newspapers about the controversy over the Hebrew language charter school in Hollywood, Fla. Maybe there lies an opportunity for a column: How to Maintain a Nation-State with a Multicultural Society.
But on a second thought, it's too heavy. The readers won't even give it a try.
Speaking of Florida, I also read that Florida prisons had suspended Kosher meals for Jewish inmates. Now, here is an idea: Jews should emigrate to Israel. No need for Hebrew-language charter schools, because everything is taught in Hebrew anyway. And if someone is sent to jail, Kosher food is guaranteed.
I told you, it's difficult to stay focused in August.
Then the sweetest tunes flew from the stage and filled the hall. It was the famous string quintet by Schubert. Arthur Rubinstein, the world renowned pianist, asked in his will that his ashes be spread in a forest near Jerusalem, and that the same Schubert quintet be played in the background. You see, your head is filled with such trivia, but when you search for one good idea for a column, nothing.
Wait a second -- how do I know that there are readers out there in the first place, actually reading any of this stuff? Maybe they are all gone for their summer vacation? Maybe in August newspapers are only printed to give the impression of business as usual? So why bother in the first place?
Thank God it's September.
T